Photo courtesy of @essenceofbeing
Pint-size Chelsea Allen, 25, says that this is her plus thirty-pounds.
“Now I can’t image myself thirty pounds less. When I look back at pictures I can’t even believe it was me,” says Allen.
Chelsea’s story is one that I instantly could relate to. And she told it so openly, honestly, and owned it.
It was something she describes that happened organically. When Chelsea was nineteen or twenty, she shed nearly a quarter of her body weight.
“I just started eating super healthy, or well, what I thought was healthy eating. I slowly cut out every food group I thought was bad. I stopped eating bread, dairy products, salt, sugar, fat, and eventually almost everything pretty much.”
What started as a “healthy diet” quickly became a full-blown obsession for Allen.
“I became very OCD about food. I ate the same thing every day for a year. And I could only eat at certain times… That’s what happens, you get into a routine of your ‘safe’ food.”
Subsisting on primarily fruit, veggies, fish, and rice, Allen’s weight drop drastically dropped. People started to notice and comment on her fragile-looking frame.
“It got to the point where people I didn’t even know were telling me I needed to gain weight.”
At a low point, Allen recalls weighing herself upwards of ten times a day.
The media and the beauty/fashion industry are seen as a root cause as of eating disorders and negative body image. Although the media and these industries do play a role, Allen says:
“I never thought, I want to be model-skinny, that never ran through my head. I used to be adamant that it never was the media, the media never influenced me.”
The biggest factor that led to a life consuming eating disorder Allen says was the feeling of being in control.
Photo Courtesy of @essenceofbeing
“There are a lot of things you have no control over in your life. I found that one thing, where I had control, and that one thing for me was what I was eating. I thought, I can do this and no one else can.”
At a point, that Allen can’t exactly recall, she decided to take control of her life and seek help.
“I didn’t get my period for 6 months and that’s what really threw me off. I figured that if I wanted to have a life down the road, I should get things together right now.”
After talking to a specialist, Allen decided that an in-patient program was not the right fit for her. There were no options for an out-patient recovery program.
“I didn’t ever want someone to force me to eat. It didn’t seem right for me. I knew I had to be the one to do it on my own.”
After making that decision, Allen set off on a trip to Europe to visit a friend. She made a deal with herself to try and fix things when she got back.
When she was back in Winnipeg she gained thirty pounds in a month.
“It was the worst feeling in the world because before that I was weighing myself obsessively and if I even gained one pound throughout the day, I was like, my life is over!”
Although she had gained weight, Allen continued to go through phases of unhealthy eating and over-exercising.
“I wasn’t eating normally or healthfully. I started going through super crazy periods of binge eating and then I would just everything, just eat all day long. I would get even more depressed.”
Like most people working towards overcoming an eating disorder the recovery process wasn’t quick and easy for her.
“I didn’t know how to eat properly anymore.”
And even today, Allen acknowledges that she doesn’t eat as well as she could. But she catches herself before falling back into old habits. Allen has a network of friends that have dealt with the same issues.
“I can’t talk to doctors about it, maybe they think they get it, but I like to talk to someone who’s been there.”
She notes that it’s hard to think that she spent so much time missing out on experiences and missing out on being with her friends. When she was first recovering she says that:
“I didn’t go out, I didn’t want to. I was very secluded, didn’t want to be around anyone.”
Allen is constantly around people when she’s at one of her three jobs.
“The only thing that’ve I’ve found which has really kept me sane right now is that I’m so busy.”
I ask if she’s a workaholic and Allen instantly responds, “Yes.”
“I feel like, you think it would make me more throw off my schedule. But being able to fit it all in, makes me feel sane.”
Photo Courtesy of @essenceofbeing
However, Allen says that whether it’s work or food:
“I’m still trying to find my own balance. The thing is now, I’ve realized, everything in moderation is OK. Everything.”